


Group Therapy

by Cheryl1964



Category: Blade (Movie Series), Boondock Saints (Movies), Dark Harbor (1998), Gossip (2000), Pandorum, Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 20:16:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheryl1964/pseuds/Cheryl1964
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A strange little verse that exists inside Norman Reedus mind.  All of the characters that he has portrayed over the years live inside his skull in their own little private Idahos...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Group Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of the fandoms listed or Norman Reedus either. In the words of Murphy Macmanus "It's Saint Paddy's day, it's all in good fun."

Daryl made it a point to arrive to these meetings first. He would grab a chair and move it over into a corner to get away from the rest of them. Between the smoking and the constant bitching, the only thing he got out of these sessions was a headache. He had just settled into his chair when Murphy walked in cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

"Top o the mornin to ya, Dixon." Murphy MacManus nodded in Daryl's direction before dragging a chair over to join him.

"Ain't smokin a sin or somethin'" Daryl grumbled waving at the cloud of smoke.

"Sorry, there is no 'Thou shalt not smoke' commandment." Murphy said taking a fresh cigarette from his pack and lighting it.

The next one to show up was a bleary eyed Scud. "Hey D, M. What's up?" Scud settled in a chair and opened a box of Krispy Krème donuts. Taking one out he took a big bite.

"More bitchin as usual." Daryl said. "Why do Daryl and Murphy get all the spotlight time? How come nobody ever talks about us?"

"Well the rest of the guys are pretty much a bunch o pussies ta be honest." Murphy added.

"Cut em some slack, everybody can't be fearless badass mofos like the two of you. Besides as usual, I only saw T and Blank. Nobody else showed up." Scud said.

"Oh hell, Young Man's the worst damn complainer of the bunch! 'I don't have a name, boo hoo' Why can't he just miss this for once?" Daryl said. "At least he ain't got people tryin to hook em up with some damn woman he ain't interested in.”

"I think I'm allowed to complain, at least you guys have names." Young Man said coming through the door. 

“I told ya so.” Daryl snorted.

“And you don't have to keep swapping spit with Alan Rickman!" Young Man said with a shudder.

"Damn Blank! You could at least let me finish my donut in peace before you start complaining!" Scud said taking his joint from behind his ear and popping it between his lips. He began patting his pockets and after a few seconds looked at Murphy. "Hey M, got a light?"

"I would really appreciate it if you stopped calling me Blank!" Young Man said to Scud.

"Faggot sound better to ya? And get that chair way from me I ain't sittin' next to no faggot!" Daryl said.

"I don't know what else to call you. D is Daryl, M is Murphy, T is Travis" Scud said with a nod toward Travis who had just joined them. "You don't have a name. You're a big blank, can't use B since that's reserved for Blade, so I just have to call you Blank."

Murphy took his lighter back from Scud and lit a fresh cigarette. "Well we could call ye Fuck Ass if it were ta make ye feel any better."

"That's not a name," Scud snickered. " As D just pointed out, it's his job description."

"Jesus H Christ!" Daryl said as Young Man dived on Scud throwing punches.

"Ye want ta stop takin the Good Lord's name in vain Dixon." Murphy warned.

"Make me you bible thumpin' freak. I'll stomp your ass!" Daryl responded.

Murphy dived on him. "Ye blasphemous redneck fucker!"

Travis sighed and grabbed a donut from the box. This was how it usually ended up in therapy. Scud would end up getting his ass kicked. "That "I'm a lover, not a fighter" line of his was true. Scud couldn't fight his ass out of a wet paper bag. Daryl and Murphy would end up pretty much beating the hell out of each other before heading off to find the nearest bottle of Irish whiskey or jug of moonshine like the best of friends.

As for himself, Travis would finish his donut, then find Shepherd and the rest of the guys who were too unimportant to be required to attend and tell them what happened at the latest session.


	2. F*ck Daryl Dixon Day

When you sleep your conscious mind shuts down and your unconscious mind takes over. That's normally not a problem for most of us since since our unconscious mind contains one personality. However Norman Reedus' unconscious mind is occupied by a legion of different personalities. All of the characters that he has portrayed over the years and unfortunately, they don't always get along. This was one of those times. Everyone was at their wit's end with the perfect redneck Daryl Dixon, and they were going to do something about it.

When Norman went to sleep that night he had no idea that a bunch of fictional characters were about to stage a palace coup as it were, and hijack his body. It was officially "Fuck Daryl Dixon Day." That meant first they had to get Daryl out of the picture, after all it was Daryl that was supposed to be on Norman's mind being he was in the middle of filming for The Walking Dead.

Daryl was only one person, but if you've ever taken a look at Norman Reedus' list of acting credits, you would know that Daryl was woefully outnumbered. After a remarkable joint effort (remarkable in that all those characters were united in a common goal) , Daryl was hogtied and locked behind a padlocked door deep inside of Norman's mind, Norman's conscious mind was keeping old Daryl company. This was not an intentional move it was simply the only room in Norman's mind that could be padlocked. Without realizing it they had managed to lock Norman in with Daryl. All they knew was that they were now free to have a little fun without any interruptions.

Now they didn't want to completely ruin things for Daryl, they all knew that the only reason many of them were getting any attention at all was because of Daryl. There were people out there who watched The Walking Dead and were motivated to hunt down Norman's previous work. To keep things from getting totally out of hand they voted to put Murphy MacManus in charge of keeping everyone in line. While Daryl cussed and fussed from behind the door threatening to stomp their asses when he got out, Everyone else carried on having a bit of fun taking over Norman's dreams. No one realized that when the alarm went off in the morning they were going to have problems.

* * *

“Tha wee fucker is still sleeping like a babe." Murphy realized. "Tha stupid fuckin alarm's been going off for the past 15 minutes." Murphy was the one responsible for making sure things didn't get out of hand, so he figured somebody had to take the reins and got Norman's body up and in the shower. At least he had the body moving even if no one was home.

Once showered Murphy realized he had another problem. He had absolutely no idea how to drive. Troy Duffy had never written a scene where Murphy drove. Rocco drove, Romeo drove, even Connor drove; but all Murphy ever did was sit in the passenger seat being funny or looking cute. Murphy went in search of Scud.

"Hey M, what's up?" Scud asked as he puffed on a joint.

"Well we got ourselves a wee problem. That fuckin Reedus is still out like a light. I got him up and dressed but...Well I'm just a wee bit embarrassed ta admit this ta ye but I don know how ta drive." Murphy explained blushing.

Scud choked on his inhale. "You don't know how to drive, M? What the hell man! Everybody knows how to drive."

"Well I don and Reedus has ta be on set in 30 minutes." Murphy said.

"I guess you're asking me to drive, huh?" Scud stubbed out his joint and took over control of the body, he picked up Norman's keys. "You're supposed to be in charge M. I'll get him to the set." Scud said grumbling. "But you'd better figure out how to fix this. We fuck up this gig for Daryl and we fuck it up for all of us."

* * *

Scud couldn't believe the piece of shit Reedus drove. Okay it was decent enough but, no aftermarket modifications at all. At least it's got a decent sound system he thought as he scanned through the channels on Sirius Radio. He looked up from pressing buttons when something caught his eye on the side of the road. A big KrispyKreme sign which reminded Scud he had one hell of a case of the munchies. Scud smiled, Mother's Milk he thought. It would only take a couple of minutes to grab a donut or dozen.

Scud actually managed to get into the store and place his order in very good time. The problem started when he pulled out Norman's credit card to pay. The girl behind the counter took a good look at her customer and gushed "Oh my God! You're Norman Reedus! I love Walking Dead and Boondock Saints! My sister isn't going to believe this! Would you take a picture with me?" she asked coming around the counter and not even giving Scud a chance to reply.

The girl pulled out her phone and and grabbed Scud dragging him over to the nearest table where a couple of construction workers were enjoying a donut and coffee. "Would you mind taking a picture of me and Norman Reedus?" She asked handing her iphone to one of the men, her voice carrying through out the place.

Never mind the fact that Scud was not in the mood to deal with a bunch of fans, there was whole pack of fan girls headed his way. Scud did not do well surrounded by girls, at least not since that little stomach tearing incident that led to him meeting B. He pasted a smile on Norman's face and went off hunting the one person he knew would not mind being mobbed by a pack of fangirls. "Hey T! Help!"

* * *

"Scud wha the hell are ye doin here." Murphy asked seeing Scud sitting in a corner smoking a joint and trembling. "This doesn't look like the set, it looks like a fuckin donut shop! Ye were supposed ta drive to tha set!"

"Yeah M, that's a funny story man. I was on the way to the set and then I saw this KrispyKreme shop and I figured grab a donut, in and out. Munchies you know." Scud said trying to explain.

"Ye stopped fer donuts?" Murphy said. "So why didn't ye get yer donuts and then get us to tha set?"

"Um yeah, the girl behind the counter recognized Reedus and before I knew it I was surrounded by a bunch of screaming girls and it brought back some bad memories man! The Chrissy and Janet thing, and well you know me. I wasn't going to try to fight my way out of that crowd so I panicked and well here I am trying to get my buzz back." Scud said.

Murphy sighed, "Haven't ye ever heard of a Drive-Thru? Who's in charge right now?"

"T thought it was pretty cool to be surrounded by all these girls so..." Scud trailed off.

"Do ye know if Travis can drive?" Murphy asked then shook his head. "Forget I asked that. Travis and a bunch o screaming fangirls, the wee bastard is probably doin his best ta get laid. Not that he'll manage ta get anywhere."

* * *

Travis didn't need anyone to tell him he had the world's worst luck with girls. Even with all these girls falling all over Norman Fucking Reedus, Travis was too shy to so much as ask for a phone number. He was still trying to work up the nerve to ask one buxom blonde when Murphy showed up with John Rollins in tow.

"Please John just get us to the set. Reedus is already 20 fuckin minutes late." Murphy said. "Travis, I want ya ta go find Scud and keep tha dumbass outta trouble please. I'm going to keep tryin ta wake Reedus up. Hopefully before anything else happens."

* * *

John Rollins did get Norman to the set without any problems. The thing is, Murphy didn't tell him what to do when he got there. John had better things to do with his time like get that cornfield planted. John didn't have the time to sit around waiting. Figuring Murphy would be back, John headed back to his cornfield.

It was just dumb luck that Shepherd was the one that happened by and realized no one was in charge of the body. Shepherd rubbed his hands together gleefully, can't have Reedus just sitting here in the car like a moron he thought. Since he rarely got any attention time he decided right now was as good a time as any. Had anyone been watching they would have assumed that Norman had just been taking a power nap as he sat up straight opened his eyes and got out of the car.

Shepherd was truly enjoying himself walking around the set and nodding at members of the crew. This is nice he thought. I never get out. I can't remember the last time I got to stretch my legs.

"Hey, man I just found out I get put down by your Crossbow!" Said an excited voice from behind him.

Shepherd turned around and screamed at the top of his lungs. Standing in front of him was a zombie. Shepherd lived by the motto 'discretion is the better part of valor' so it was only normal that his feet would carry him away from the apparition as swiftly as possible. The happy walker extra stood there with a stunned look on his face. He had no idea Norman Reedus could run that fast.

* * *

"Hey Norman! Where have you been? Nicotero has been looking everywhere for you." Chandler Riggs said. When the kid got no response he grabbed Norman's arm and shook him.

Blank or No Name or what's his face (Well he didn't have a name after all) blinked and looked down at the kid. "What?"

"Come on, They want to shoot the scene where you you ride up to the prison" Chandler said dragging Norman/Blank along behind him through the woods to the side of a road. Blank wasn't sure what was going on but when they reached the road Blank laid eyes on the most gorgeous guy he had ever seen. It was all he could not to start drooling.

"There you are" Nicotero said looking at Norman. "You need more dirt. Makeup!"

Blank didn't hear a word that was said to him, busy staring at the adorably cute Asian guy. He couldn't help himself, years of kissing Alan Rickman had taken their toll. He wanted to kiss somebody hot for once. He grabbed Steven Yuen and planted a big sloppy wet one right on his lips.

"What the fuck!" Steven yelled. "Norman stop playing around!" Steven said giving him a push as he blushed and the cast and crew laughed. They all remembered Norman had promised to kiss Steven if TWD had won that Hulu poll a while back. Although that hadn't happened, Norman had just won that thing on Twitter and Norman never let his fans down. Fans all over the globe were retweeting Laurie Holden by the thousands when she posted the photo.

"If you guys are done can we get serious?" Nicotero asked. "Look Norman we need to get the shot of you riding up to the prison on the bike. Okay? But first go get them to put some more dirt on you, you're too clean."

When Blank heard the words 'Ride' and 'Bike' he looked at the motorcycle. He knew he was in trouble. He went looking for anyone to take over. The dirty looks he was occasionally getting from that gorgeous Asian weren't helping either. Blank's feelings were hurt, the first gorgeous guy he'd seen in years and he had pretty much rejected him. The makeup girl was saying something and dragging the body somewhere. Blank took that opportunity to wander off to find a quiet little corner to have a good cry.

* * *

The Makeup Girls would get bored when they weren't actually doing makeup on the actors or extras and had found a great way to fight the boredom, they would watch old and/or obscure horror films. Today's selection was a classic.

"Mark of the Devil." Kirby Sweetman said, "A classic example of early torture porn. Michael Armstrong's choice to set it during The Inquisition gave him the leeway he needed to get it past the censors of the day since it was based on historical fact."

"You've seen it?" The girls asked.

Kirby smiled at them, "Of course, it's a classic. The forerunner of modern day slasher movies combining sex and violence. At the time it was released it was unbelievably shocking, but compared to movies like Hostel it's actually considered pretty tame by today's standards."

"Wow! We didn't know you were so knowledgeable about old horror movies. Can you give us some suggestions on what we shouldn't miss?"

Kirby gave the girls a smile "I can do better than that! Come on." Which is how Norman ended up up at a small second-hand video store surrounded by the Makeup girls.

* * *

"All o ye sit yer fuckin arses down!" Murphy said. "Ye've created a right mess here. And I still can't get fuckin Reedus to wake up." Murphy paced back and forth his Irish temper totally out of hand. "All ye bastards had ta do was make sure Reedus get's through tha day while I figure out how ta wake tha bastard up!

I don know why I e'en let ye talk me inta this Fuck Daryl Dixon Day!"

"It's cause you're a pushover." Jack answered. "Always letting your twin brother talk you into the rope thing and you already know it's going to turn out bad every time but because it's Connor's idea..."

Marco and Mac started snickering.

"Shut it! All o ye." Murphy yelled. "There's only one thin ta do. Jack, drive us back to tha set. When we get there, we got ta let Daryl go so he can fix thngs."

* * *

The Makeup girls were giving Norman very wary looks. All of a sudden in the video store he had stopped talking about horror movies and started talking about surfing and sand. He was being really creepy today and he was usually so nice. They couldn't wait to get out of the car.

"Okay just head him o'er in tha direction." Murphy told Jack. "We'll just get him o'er there with everybody else. I'm going ta go let Dixon out. I got a feeling he's going ta be lookin ta kick someone's ass and tha rest o ye pussies can't handle him.

Murphy went to the little room and put the key in the lock. “I'm going ta let ye out Dixon but ye better control yerself.” Murphy unlocked the door and opened it. Two things happened Daryl immediately launched himself at Murphy ready to fight and Norman's unconscious mind came out realized that something was not right and immediately shut down from shock.

* * *

"Norman! Norm wake up!" Andrew Lincoln said shaking his co-star. Norman opened his eyes to find himself laying on the ground and surrounded by concerned cast and crew members.

"What the hell? Where? How the fuck did I get here?" Norman asked as Andrew helped him to his feet.

"You fainted." Melissa McBride told him.

"I what?" Norman was completely confused.

"You were walking along and just collapsed, man you went down like a ton of bricks." IronE Singleton said trying to make 'you fainted' sound a bit more macho.

Norman shook his head. "No how did I get here, on set? The last thing I remember is talking to Mingus on the phone and then going to bed."

"You don't remember anything else?" Greg asked.

* * *

Norman had gone to the hospital like Greg wanted and gotten checked out. The doctor said he was fine and had probably just been sleepwalking from stress and it was an isolated incident, but he still couldn't remember anything from the morning. Greg insisted he take the rest of the day off and relax. With nothing better to do he signed on to the internet to check his e-mail and found a message from Sean Patrick Flanery.

_"Thanks for the new topic at the next convention. This is even better than the horse story! Stay Gold Ponyboy!"_

Under that sentence was a photo of him kissing Steven Yuen.


End file.
